Santa Claus might not have a big white beard or black boots but he does have jolly red cheeks and a good spirit inside of him.
Last year I couldn’t afford gifts for the kids we got some from my oldest son’s school. Usually I would have looked at the gifts beforehand but everything was so crazy and they were beautifully wrapped so I left them alone until Christmas day.
The kids had tons of stuff pants, sweatshirts, tops. They got books and remote control cars. My youngest and only girl got tons of dolls, baby carriers, carriages and a bed. All the kids were full of laughter and joy. Something about me also not knowing what they would receive made it a little more special to me too.
Our tree was literally just a stick from a pine tree but our hearts were still full.
After almost all the presents were opened that’s when we noticed there were three addressed to Mom. The first one had a bunch of bath products and it was Peanut themed, the second was a lotion set and the last thing was a beautiful pair of Coach boots, in my size.
I very rarely buy anything for myself so I have had a fair share of Christmas morning not opening anything at all. I only bought myself new shoes when my old ones were literally falling apart and I bought them from the men’s clearance section for under 10 bucks. I didn’t even realize how big my feet are for a girl because of the fact that I always got men’s shoes.
When they asked for information about the kids they never asked any questions about me as I expected and I didn’t expect there to be anything for me either. It was such a special surprise and the fact that the boots fit me perfectly was a perfect reminder that Santa Claus is real.
Here’s to hoping that you too have Christmas’ with magic and love so that you can also continue to believe.
Sometimes I have so much to say that I say absolutely nothing at all. I guess this will be an attempt at a life update.
Right now life is terrifying, I want to pull the blankets over my head and come out in a year or two after everything has already crashed and burned.
My father and my cousin are now staying with us so the house consists of 4 adults and 4 children. My cousin is continuing on her road to recovery (rugs) and my dad is awaiting his “dream job” on a cruise ship in Hawaii. You know how easy life is when you have no strings attached. Eight children doesn’t mean much to him.
I recently started my own road to recovery (alcohol) which looks a lot like not recovering but putting all the right motions into place. I am trying to start reading, writing again, and focusing on the things I cared about at one point that I haven’t had the energy to care about lately.
My grandmother whose house is just as crazy as ours and soon to get crazier once my cousin that lives with her has her baby, has been having health issues. She was supposed to have teeth removed and then a TAVR to replace a heart valve when she found out she all has a carotid artery that is 70% blocked and will also need surgery on that. She was supposed to have teeth removed on Christmas Eve and then the heart surgery first week in January but after her doctors appointment today she will be having the heart surgery this Wednesday.
We still have books to read, we still have meals to make together. Stories to tell. The thought of the surgery is terrifying to me even though I can easily reassure others it will be okay. What if it isn’t okay? What if this Christmas doesn’t come for her. I lost my uncle 10 years ago, a good friend/ex-lover about 5 years ago and my grandfather last year besides that I have been lucky enough to be a stranger to death.
Its terrifying and enlightening to think of death. In most of the sense I think of it selfishly I think of my feelings and my pain. I truly believe that when you are no longer here is when your life truly begins its when you feel the truest happiness and love. No pain no fear just light. Why would I want to deny the people I love of ultimate peace and honestly my grandma’s tired.
I pray everything happens the way that it should, but I can’t control this. I am not in control but I trust whoever is.
And maybe I feel the way I do because I was that child forgotten at home.
Still he found a bottle not a whole other family.
And even as an adult I struggled with accepting that, when he did.
Not that it worked out for him.
Children shouldn’t be left fatherless no matter the excuse.
What will your life be like in three years?
What life will be like, how would anybody know the answer to that question. It’s more like what we hope life will be like.
I hope to be living somewhere else other than where I am. I’d like to have my own space to do what I know I am responsible to do and not the ability to depend on someone else.
I hope I can have space to heal and grow. Learn things I haven’t learned before. Experience peace.
My sister was born on Halloween 20 years ago. We couldn’t go trick or treating right away because our mom was busy giving birth. Me and my older brother ended up going with my aunt we went out the latest we ever had that year. Almost every house we went to said oh look you guys will be our last trick or treaters and poured the rest of their buckets in our pillow cases.
This year we sang happy birthday before we left the house.
Then we showed up for the Halloween parade only 10 minutes late — that’s a win for me. My oldest was Scream which I swear he might have been the last couple years even though every year he needs a new mask. Then a pumpkin pizza. Yea you heard that right he couldn’t just be a pepperoni pizza he needed a pumpkin mask to complete his onsamble. A pirate and a beautiful princess. We were skeletons he has the mask I had a poncho.
It was so windy and cold. There were a lot less people than there normally is but I assume that is because of the weather. Less people giving out candy too. The parade ends at the fore station where you get a nice bag of full sized candy and an apple. All the kids sat on the grass outside the fire station eating them.
All in all we had a good night. We visited both the grandparents after a little bit of trick or treating after the parade. One of the houses had a little haunted house, bracelets, juices, and a few other options. Most of the houses had awesome decorations.
We were home by 9 PM and then mom left for her adult Halloween party.
I was 30 years old before I ever had my first pedicure. Some people wait even longer, and some still havenât treated themselves at all. But right before my birthday, something in me finally said, âYou know what? I deserve this.â So I decidedâeven if I had to go aloneâI was going to do something just for me.
And it was exactly what I didnât know Iâd been needing. A warm jacuzzi tub, a back massage, my feet soaking while the world slowed down. For maybe one whole minute, my mind stopped racing. No mental to-do list, no dinner plans, no school spirit daysâjust silence. Just peace.
My daughter was only four, her little body almost swallowed by the big salon chair, sitting on an extra pillow to reach. She picked her own colors. She asked a hundred questions about every tool the technician picked up, and I answered each one. She got her feet rubbed, she sang, she danced, she laughedâlike joy was something she didnât need permission for.
And thatâs when it hit me:
Whether youâre four, thirty, or forty-threeâeveryone deserves peace. Everyone deserves to put themselves first. Caring for yourself shouldnât be a reward you earn after years of exhaustionâit should be a lesson weâre taught from the very beginning.
My daughter wonât have to wait until sheâs 30 and a mom of four to finally believe sheâs worthy of something simple and kind. Sheâs going to grow up knowing what she needs, what she deservesâand sheâll go and get it without apologizing for it.
Because self-care is not selfish. Itâs survival. Itâs strength. Itâs a gift we all owe ourselves sooner, not later.
There’s usually two types of main people at a hospital the ones that wear a mask and cover their face the entire time they are there. Then the people that bring their dinner and sit and eat it as they wait to be called. I am the second one.
I always thought it is better to expose yourself to the world so that the first time you go around a germ you don’t end up deathly sick. Not saying I want the kid with chicken poxs to cough on my dinner but I think you get what I’m saying.
My cousin who was previously missing for the last few years just got home from her detox program and she will be staying with us while she gets on her feet.
Three years of living on the street leads to a bunch of things that need to be done that were previously ignored or forgotten about by drug use.
Whether it’s sitting in the hospital or the RMV waiting for her to order her license again I’d rather do these things than spend the hours and weeks and years without her I spent searching for her out in the wild.
I think one of the most special things that we can give someone is knowing that there is someone that will never give up on them. No matter how many times they have given up on themselves that in this big old world someone is out there thinking about them, searching for them praying that they will be okay.
It’s almost been a month of her being sober, even though she’s been herself since the second I saw her again I’m starting to see more and more of her start to come out and I’ve missed her soooo freaking much. Now we can plan Halloween costumes and thanksgiving, and go to her first family christmas together again.
Not much actual value in this today but just know someone out there is the same for you and you can be that same person for others. Even when you have nothing to give some people are worth pushing a little harder to have something to pass around…that’s love.
Some parents describe their homes as “cozy” or “peaceful” Mine? Let’s just say its like a traveling circus that set up camp in my living room. There are loud noises, dramatic performances and plenty of questionable smells. And just like a circus, itâs exhausting and hilarious all at once. Here are ten moments that prove parenting is basically a three-ring showâwith fewer snacks and way more tantrums.
The Morning Rush “Step Right up to the Greatest Show on Earth”
Step on Up to the Greatest Show on Earth where no child wears their own clothes and no socks are seen matching. It really is the greatest show just not the show a mother wants to watch. Why can’t my oldest see that his shirt is two sizes too small, why is my middle child trying to squeeze into one of his sister’s night gowns. “No those are mittens not socks I scream to another.” Just a casual morning for us eggs dropping on the ground, pancake batter flying in every direction. No matter how much is going on we always get a hug and a kiss before they walk onto that bus for school and that’s what really matters.
2. The Sibling Show Down “Clash of the Clowns”
I don’t want you to confuse the Clash of the Clowns as a specific show with two specific clowns because it can be in any and every combination. Oldest vs youngest, Middle vs middle, Middle vs youngest, Middle vs oldest there are no limitations in this act. Some days just looking at one of them wrong is enough to start this act. “That’s my toy.” “That’s my underwear,’ “mom he’s wearing my shoes!”
3. Bed Time Battles “The High Wire Act”
Bed Time leads to negotiations worth risking your life for. You have been with these snot nosed kids all day long and finally its my time my time, but they won’t give up without a fight. “Another story?” “No we just read three” “I’m thirsty, “sorry too close to bed time.” :I need to go to the bathroom” “you’ve went 15 times in the past 30 minutes.” This is where they think they are getting over on me because I can’t tell them no to the bathroom and they know this. “Okay go but I am going to have to make you a doctors appointment to see what’s wrong and you will have to miss your friends birthday party.” “It’s okay mom false alarm.” “Good night children Good night mom.” Another point for me.
4. Grocery Store Trips “The Wild Animal Exibit”
Meltdown in aisle three, spilled milk in aisle four. Taking kids to the grocery store is like releasing wild animals into a habitat they werenât prepared for. One darts down the cereal aisle, another roars when I say no to cookies, and strangers stand there gawking like theyâve paid for tickets. Meanwhile, Iâm pushing a cart with one wheel that wonât turn, trying to remember if I actually came for milk or just to lose my sanity in aisle five.
5. Homework Time “Juggling Fire Sticks”
Helping with homework is the ultimate juggling actâexcept the balls are on fire and the audience is heckling. Math looks nothing like it did when I was a kid, and trying to explain it makes me question my own education. While Iâm trying to keep one child focused, another is asking lifeâs deepest questions like, âWhy canât penguins fly?â And of course, dinner is burning in the background.
6. Carpool Chaos “The Clown Car”
My car isnât a vehicleâitâs a mobile circus tent. I load up kids, backpacks, instruments, snacks, and approximately 47 water bottles. By the time we hit the road, someone forgot their shoes, another is singing at the top of their lungs, and the car smells like old French fries. Itâs like driving a clown car, except thereâs no applause when everyone piles out at school.
7. Family Photos “The Tightrope Act”
Getting a family photo should be simple, but it always feels like walking a tightrope blindfolded. I bribe the kids, I beg, I threaten, and stillâone kid is crying, one is looking at the sky, and one is mid-blink in every shot. By the time we finally get a halfway decent picture, I look like I aged five years, and honestly, I probably did.
8. Meal Times “The Lion Tamer Act”
Dinner at my house is basically me versus the wild beasts. I present a perfectly cooked meal, and they act like I served them a plate of poison. Dramatic gagging, loud protests, and the classic âIâm fullâ five minutes before asking for dessert. I wave my fork like a whip, begging someone to just take one bite of broccoli before I lose my mind.
9. Household Chores “The Plate Spinning Routine”
Keeping a house clean with kids is like spinning platesâyou think youâve got it, but one always crashes to the ground. I finish laundry, and two seconds later someone dumps muddy clothes in the basket. I vacuum, and magically a trail of Goldfish crumbs appears. The circus never ends, and neither does the laundry pile.
10. The Unexpected “The Surprise Finale”
Every circus needs a surprise finale, and parenting delivers daily. From a toddler announcing embarrassing family secrets in public to a preschooler asking the cashier if sheâs pregnant (when she very much is not), the show is always unpredictable. Itâs messy, itâs chaotic, and somehow, itâs also the stuff of memories Iâll laugh about years from now.
Parenting may not come with popcorn or applause, but it does come with plenty of chaos, comedy, and heart. Some days I feel like the exhausted ringmaster of a traveling circus, but then I rememberâthe circus is also where the magic happens. So grab your popcorn (or letâs be honest, a Red Bull) and buckle up. Because in this show, the curtain never really falls. The show still must go on!
HELLO??? CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME??? I’m talking…well yelling here can anybody hear me?
How do you get heard over the noise of everyone else? How do you know the people you are talking to are actually listening? How do you know your being taken seriously.
Yelling makes your point louder but not right and not heard better.
Screaming signifies danger, even if not with ones whole mind but subconsciously you will feel the response to danger get out, appease, fight!
When talking to your children do you want their rooted memory to be danger or safety?
Now I am not saying to never yell, I’m not saying I don’t yell. But do you want the most of their core memories with you to be danger whether consciously or non-consciously.
Not only is the automatic feeling danger with what ever response is specific to that person but the information isn’t computing properly.
WHEN YOU YELL INFORMATION AT ME I am computing danger, protect one selves not treat the person yelling as an equal that I love and trust and care about the information they are giving me, they are danger.
It wasn’t until I heard my dad yelling at my children that I myself yell at everyday that I realized what was happening. I was him. Again, I said I wouldn’t do it but here I was.
I want my children to remember me as their safe space. No matter what and I have to give up and let go to make that happen. Even if my dad isn’t here asking for forgiveness maybe its really time to give it to him anyways. Not for his well being but my own and my children’s.
The only thing you can do sometimes is change moving forward.
Here are some more effective ways to communicate depending on who you’re communicating with.
With your children.
Get on their level.
Make eye contact and kneel so you are at the same height.
It makes the interaction less scary and shows you care.
2. Use Simple Clear Language
Choose words appropriate for their age.
Break instructions into smaller steps.
Avoid long lectures.
3. Listen Actively
Give them time to say whatever they need to say no matter how long it takes.
Repeat back or rephrase what they say for clarity (So you felt sad when that happened?)
You want them to feel heard.
4. Validate Feelings
Acknowledge emotions always even if you don’t agree with the behavior.
Emotions are OK bad behaviors are not.
For example I see you’re frustrated it’s time to leave, it’s okay to be frustrated sometimes but its not OK to knock over the trash as we leave the park because you’re frustrated.
Validation lowers the chance of defensiveness and teaches emotional intelligence.
5. Stay Calm and Respectful
Children learn from how you respond.
A steady tone encourages cooperation more than yelling.
Respect builds respect in return.
6. Positive Reinforcement
Notice a good action and praise it specifically. (Good job taking turns with your sister)
Encourage them to repeat it.
7. Choices Not Demands
Offering two acceptable options give them a sense of control. (I know feeling in control helps me and children are just smaller versions of adults)
Example “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after you put on your PJ’s.
8. Be Consistent (One of the most important things to take away from this)
Clear boundaries with the same consequence every time and it helps your child feel more secure (Make sure all people involved in parenting are on the same page)
Mixed messages confuse and frustrate a child.
9. Model the Behavior You Want
Show honesty, kindness and patience in your own communication (Including communication with a partner in front of them this shows them how adult relationships should be)
Kids copy more than they listen
Do as you want your children to do.
10. Use Stories, Play and Creativity
With younger children especially you can role play, draw or tell a story. It helps them express themselves better until they have more words to do so.
Try to start implementing these things in your home don’t expect immediate results but with consistency and love changes are bound to happen. Remember small steps add to big change. Until next time, keep moving forward.
Mom, Mayhem & The Whole Damn Family 